Reflection
by Flashpoint321
Summary: I am a tremendous Law & Order SVU fan and to say I love Olivia Benson is an understatement. Alex Cabot is a very close second. Enjoy as this is my first jab at writing. If you like it then I'll continue their saga...Thanks to all & please review/comment.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Law & Order or any of it's characters, story lines, etc….nor do I want to! 

"Reflection"

_**Chapter One**_

Olivia looks down at her left wrist and the black Iron Man watch with its bold digital face, glares back at her tauntingly: **6:32 am**. It's an unusually brisk and crisp late October morning….the 23rd to be exact. The

air is calm and the sky is dark, the sun still hiding itself behind remnants of billowing clouds from a chilly overnight rain. Wet leaves of vibrant yellow, orange and brown haphazardly cling to the streets of

Manhattan as Olivia laces up her favorite pair of moderately worn Nike's and ambitiously heads out for a much needed run through Battery Park. She places her cell phone, which is tucked neatly in its black case,

into an oversized pocket of her tattered academy sweat pants. She grabs her steel blue iPod and shoves the ear buds into their resting place for the moment, scrolls through her play lists' until she decides on

"Stuff that gets you going"….and pushes play. A raspy voice from the late 70's screams that he's "Back in the saddle again"….and the lean, strong detective shuffles her already aching feet from an almost

unbearably busy work week, to the edgy yet steady beat of classic rock.

Today, for several reasons, is a bittersweet day for Detective Olivia Benson; mainly because it's her 42nd birthday. Over the years, Olivia has learned to make this day her own. She had a rough up bringing being

the product of her mother's rape; not to mention continual exposure to the downward spiral of alcoholism. Birthdays were once blurs of horrible memories spent alone, and they lost their value

somewhere around the age of five. This was until however, she met her new family at the 16th. It was 11 years ago today, that Olivia traded her silver NYPD badge in for a gold one. She studied day after day,

week after week, month after month for the upcoming detective's exam which she took roughly 8 months ago. She can't believe 15 years of her life have been spent diligently dedicated to busting perps, making

cases and putting criminals where they belong; behind bars. Olivia remembers the day she got promoted like it was yesterday. She had worked a double shift patrolling the streets of Bedstye, and after making a

collar for armed robbery, once back at the precinct, Lt. Peterson called her into his office: "Benson! My office now…." She thought to herself: "Great… what the hell did I do?"….she trudged along to Peterson's

corner room rolling her eyes just inches away from the door and stood inside the open frame. "Benson, come in and close the door behind you". "Crap"….. was all she could think over and over in a matter of

seconds.

Anytime brass wants you to come into their office and close the door, usually means one of two things: 1) you screwed up and you are buying a few days off… OR 2) IA (Internal Affairs) wants to see you. Olivia

quickly jogs her memory thinking if she pissed anyone off lately and let out a murmured chuckle as she said to herself: "Yeah, that's pretty much everyday". Peterson continued to stare at the pile of paperwork on

his desk and pretended to be looking for something important as he shuffled stacks of files around and muttered the following to her in the most sarcastic of tones: "Apparently the people over at the 1-6 don't

have their heads screwed on too tight cause they want you to report ASAP Monday morning at 0900 hrs. for duty". "What?" Olivia is not sure if she just heard Peterson correctly. "Do they need me for a case?"

she asks completely confused and extremely perplexed. Peterson briefly took his eyes off of the mess before him, only to scowl at her and bark in a gruff voice: "Evidently you'll be working on a whole lot of cases

Olivia…I'm completing your paperwork now for the uh….promotion….congratulations", and he extended a hand to her without looking up. She shook the Lieutenants hand firmly and professionally as she tried to

tone down the huge smile that couldn't help but brim across her young face. She let "Thank you….Thank you…I…uh I don't know what to say"….fall from her mouth and Peterson retorted: "When you're finished

with the armed robbery, take the rest of the day off so you can get yourself ready for Monday, it's been a pleasure Benson…and good luck". That was that, she will now be calling the 16th Precincts Major Case

Squad, home. She looked at her paperwork for her assignment and it read: _Officer Olivia Benson to Detective grade 4; Major Case Bureau: SVU (Special Victims Unit). _That night she lay awake almost the entire night

thinking to herself: "I'm going to SVU…. that is the most prestigious and elite of all major case crimes, and they picked _me_ to work up there… Ha! Ha! Detective Benson at your service….." Little did she know the

crazy, tumultuous road she was about to embark on.

October 23rd is also the day 3 years ago "she"…. being a young thirty-something, tall, lanky, athletic, long haired blond with piercing blue eyes and a sharp, cut-throat personality that screams all business all the

time, breezed into SVU as their own personal ADA. "She" is none other than Alexandra Cabot. "She" has been the reason Olivia finds herself constantly pre-occupied lately. "She" is why Olivia is finding it harder

every day to hide from her partner and co-workers. "She" is why Olivia is forcing herself to come to terms with the "more than friends" feeling that's been haunting her relentlessly. So, just what is it about Alex

that has Olivia all twisted up inside and on a roller coaster of emotions? Olivia respects Alex's passion for the "job", she works hard, most of the time too hard, yet underneath the rigid exterior, Olivia knows a

kind hearted human being lurks…somewhere. This blonde vixen of a court room warrior, is quite possibly....no, no, ....she _is_ the most beautiful woman Olivia has ever seen. Alex came to SVU from earning her

reputation as a hard charger plowing her way through cases and convictions on "Felony Row". She completed law school at Harvard, comes from a strict, up-tight and "proper" family with old money and deep ties

politically. This type of "shallow" person normally wouldn't appeal to Olivia, since she has literally fought her entire life just to get where she is now, and doesn't understand the "Super Rich" mentality. Plus, it's

been years since she's been on any kind of a date, never mind being in a relationship and the fact that she, the great Detective Benson, is finding herself consumed and attracted to a female? And not just any

female either…… For Christ sake, it's…. "Alex Cabot", super woman of the courts. This has her confused and literally ripping her hair out. _Stuck up bitch_ is the pre-conceived notion, appearance, and understanding

Alex came to the unit with, which bothered her beyond belief because she knew she was different, she knew she was nothing like the rest of her family. She was more than "ok" with who she was, but she knew

"they" weren't, especially her mother. To those that knew her, really knew her, and "they" are far and few between, she was "Alex" the ADA. To those that were limited to seeing her perform in front of a full court

room on a weekly basis, she was a "Cabot" through and through; hence her nick name of "The Ice Princess". Alex didn't care though, she knew who her friends were and she had her eye on one particular

"friend" for the last 3 years….that someone whom she wanted to make "hers" in the worst way, was none other than Detective Benson. It took almost a full year of working side by side with the detectives until

she was able to shed the harsh image she brought on herself, and the people she assists and guides day in and day out, every now and then get to see the "quirky" Alex…."quirky", relaxed, sexy Alex….. whom

deep down Olivia hopes to see at O'Malley's tonight when Elliott, and her other unit partners like Munch and Fin take her out for Birthday drinks. O'Malley's is no place new, not even for Alex. That's the detectives'

hangout and celebratory spot when a case is won, or pretty much the place to be even when celebration is not in order. Normally, the attorney's have their own snooty upscale wine bars they frequent after long

days in court, but Alex, she is part of the SVU team and always included when the "spot" is mentioned. She ditches the pretentious invitations from colleagues to always be around who she refers to as "her

detectives", and has no problem turning down offer after offer from the stuck-up attorneys. Although she wouldn't dare say it to any of them, "them" being the hard working, dedicated and extremely skilled

detectives that make the SVU unit a tight knit family, they make her feel needed and wanted. It's a feeling she wouldn't trade for anything. It's a feeling Alex knows no amount of money in the world could buy,

and as far as she is concerned, she's not going any where any time soon. Not as long as Olivia is there……..

The athletically thin detective is closing in on mile 2 of her planned 4 mile run. She is deeply enthralled with the pure joy piping into her cold ears and she is unconsciously mouthing every word the smoky voiced

female rocker is crooning to her. The lyrics of the timeless song speak to her like the truth… as she can't seem to shed Alex Cabot from her mind:

"_Rock on- gold dust woman…. Take your silver spoon  
And dig your grave_

Heartless challenge  
Pick your path and Ill pray

Wake up in the morning  
See your sunrise- loves- to go down  
Lousy lovers- pick their prey  
But they never cry out loud

Did she make you cry  
Make you break down  
Shatter your illusions of love  
Is it over now- do you know how  
Pick up the pieces and go home.

Rock on- ancient woman  
Follow those who pale  
In your shadow

Rulers make bad lovers  
You better put your kingdom up for sale

Did she make you cry  
Make you break down  
Shatter your illusions of love  
Is it over now- do you know how  
Pickup the pieces and go home."

"Pick up the pieces and go home Olivia", she says to herself…_You are living in a dream world. She would never fall for you. She is way out of your league, not to mention she is probably the leader of Heterosexuality _

_land_…..half assedly paying attention as usual lately, she runs shaking the thought from her mind. Liv quickly refocuses on her goal of making it to the 16th Precinct, however as hard as she tried to dismiss the

intrusive, yet pleasurable thoughts of Alex, she couldn't help but to keep picturing the beautiful blond woman who will hopefully be making her daily visit to the SVU team today. She imagines Alex standing

dangerously close to her, as she sits at her desk sipping her morning coffee. She can smell faintly the musky aroma of Alex's perfume; orange blossom and ginger to be exact. As the ADA leans against Olivia's

desk, she "accidentally" brushes the top of the detectives hand with her own in a lame attempt to reach for a file. Olivia suddenly snaps out of her "Alex" induced trance, when she recognizes the familiar, ever

faithful, and painstakingly annoying vibration of her phone against her thigh. "Shit"…. she huffs out as the frigid morning air passes through her lungs and she clumsily digs in her sweats' pocket for the phone.

Once she locates it, she follows up with "never fails"…. Olivia comes to a screeching halt grabbing a park bench and flings open the phone with one hand…."Benson…ok…where?...I'm 2 blocks from the station…I'll

be ready in 20 minutes"…and slaps the device closed. "Well,…. its go time"….she mockingly utters and runs the 2 blocks to the 1-6 to get herself ready for the day. They have a 21 year old rape victim who was

just discovered unconscious near the Hudson, and they are waiting for her to wake up at Mercy General's ER.

_**Chapter Two**_

As the elevator doors rush open, Olivia hops out sprinting her way to the locker room for a quick shower and change of clothes. Distracted, consumed and turning the same corner as Olivia, is Alex. The two

instantaneously collide and Olivia is sent sailing backwards into the adjacent wall. "Oh my God!! Liv!….I am so sorry…I….I didn't even see you…gosh…um"…Alex scrambles to help the incredibly attractive detective

up. Olivia doesn't quite know what to say other than let out a gasp of "Uggghhhhh". She thinks to herself, _Classy Liv…that sounded great_, completely disregarding the fact that she just broke her ass…literally.

Seeing that Alex is nothing less than horrified, Olivia plays it cool and starts laughing…"It's ok Alex…I'm fine really…that was my fault rushing around here like a lunatic". Alex nods realizing she is still holding

Olivia's hands. She suddenly let's go once she's helped Olivia to her feet, as she hopes not to seem too transparent. Her feelings of attraction that she's been harboring for the detective for the last 3 very long

years is taking its' toll. Olivia pretended she didn't notice Alex's display of uncomfortable ness, which being the good detective she is, took this as a potentially positive sign and raised an eyebrow. Just feeling

Alex's skin against hers was enough to turn Olivia's cheeks a bright crimson and let what felt like 1,000 butterflies go inside of her stomach. Still keeping a calm and completely controlled expression on the

outside, she changes the subject quickly to let poor Alex off the hook a little and says: "Hey, if you're not doing anything tonight, we'll be at O'Malley's around 9….." _Oh my gosh Alex…you fool. It's her birthday _

_today……_"Yeah?….I mean….Yes… absolutely….O'Malley's it is….I…uh…I'll see you then". Olivia seeing the attorney so nervous actually calms her own reservations. Enough so that she is able to keep her own

uncontrollable rush of emotions in check: "Take care Alex…." Alex feeling totally mortified can barely look at the detective as she musters an: "Ok….See ya…." with great embarrassment, Alex slaps a hand against

her forehead and she storms away towards her office cursing herself under bated breath the entire way. Olivia heads to the showers with a smirk on her face shaking her head from side to side. That smirk will

last until she enters the doors of Mercy General to meet Elliott… that's where she needs to flip the switch and become serious, stern, and professional Detective Benson once again. Elliott looks at his partner as

she so confidently enters the ambulance bay, and catches a brief glimpse of her beaming smile, something he very rarely sees, and teases her saying "Well well well….good morning sunshine! I guess no one's

pissed in your cornflakes yet…" _Yeah yeah yeah_ she mumbles with a crooked smile and starts chuckling as she grabs one of the two coffee cups from Elliott's hands. They head to bed #6 where 18 year old

Kimberly Grayson lay recovering from her attack.

It being Friday, Alex decides to take the rest of the day off. She lets Liz Donnelley know and without hesitation the department Chief shoos Alex away in an annoyed rush of agreement as she talks to another

ADA on the office phone. Alex picks a stack of files up from her desk and shoves them into her briefcase and heads out the door. She doesn't have a trial again until Wednesday and decides she will work from

home this weekend, but for now, she needs to prepare for Olivia's birthday. _How can I make this special for her without being obvious? Damn! Why is this so hard? I'm acting like I'm in the 13__th__ grade or something. _

_What's the worst thing __that could happen if I tell her how I feel? _It's a thought Alex couldn't bare to live with. _Am I out of my mind? What if she isn't even….well…gay? I can't help it though, I need to do it tonight, if she_

_ rejects me which I pray __to God she does not…well, then at least I'll know where I stand and can try to move on._ What no one knows is that Alex discovered her true sexuality in college. She has only had a handful of

relationships, the longest being a year. All she knows right now is that her feelings for Olivia run true and deep, and if she doesn't make her move soon, she is afraid she will lose the detective for good. Alex

knows things about Olivia that only her sidekick Elliott knows, but that's to be expected after 11 years of partnership. She knows that her favorite flowers are Hibiscus, and that her favorite poem is "_The Raven"_,

her favorite color is blue and her favorite scent is ginger orange blossom; _precisely the reason she wears the subtle fresh scent daily._ Slightly distracted, she comes back to the thought of flowers and calls

immediately to have a spectacular arrangement created and delivered to the 16th. She leaves the greeting card anonymous, but writes: _Happy Birthday….looking forward to tonight._

_**Chapter Three**_

Elliott and Olivia are at the hospital for hours interviewing Kimberly Grayson and finally decide to let her rest and return to the precinct to start working some leads. Sitting on Olivia's desk when she walks in

nothing less than disgusted, is a tremendous bouquet of fresh Hibiscus and other tropical beauties arranged perfectly in a crystal vase. Her heart skips a beat as she grabs the greeting card from the center of the

bouquet. "Wow….someone thinks you're pretty special"….Elliott teases nudging her as he walks away to make coffee. "Shut up El"….as if she is 15 and yelling after an over zealous older brother. "I'm just

sayin…." can be heard faintly trailing away as Elliott picks up his pace in slight fear Olivia will do nothing less than kick his ass. Olivia sits staring at the flowers in awe for a brief moment wondering who they are

from. Alex creeps into her head and she thinks _Benson…you've got it bad…they are not from her…_ As Elliott returns with freshly made coffee, he lowers his hands in a way that is instinctively protecting his prize

possessions. Olivia looks at him and says: "Thank you for the flowers El…they're beautiful. Did the other guys pitch in too?" Elliott looks at her almost embarrassed and says: "Liv…um…I…uh we didn't get those for

you….we're taking you out tonight….remember?" She knows he's not lying. They've been partners for 11 years, she knows more about Elliott than his own wife does and if it's one thing she can tell immediately,

it's if someone isn't telling the truth. She on the other hand is a terrible liar and quickly drops the issue to aviod any raised suspiscions from Elliott. They get back to work making phone calls, taking interviews,

doing research and finally at 7:45 pm Capt. Cragen says to the room: "Ok people, that's enough for one night…..go home". Normally, Olivia would ignore Cragen and continue working until all hours of the night

and catch a nap on a cot in the bunk room, but tonight, she welcomed the chance to leave early. She was the first one out the door and as she left she could hear her men yell: "See ya in a bit Liv!" She raised a

hand high above her head letting them know she heard them and hailed a cab back to her apartment. It took her less than 20 minutes to get ready. She pulled some very worn yet very comfortable jeans over

her muscular legs, slipped on a pair of her favorite motorcycle boots, threw on a clingy maroon sweater, tousled her short brown locks into a messy yet sexy style and grabbed her black leather jacket from the

back of her couch. She bounced out of the door briskly walking the 4 blocks to O'Malley's. As she saunters in, she immediately starts scanning the room for the tall blonde. She caught a glimpse of Elliott taking a

long pull from a beer bottle, Cragen sipping seltzer with a twist of lime, Fin and Munch in a heated yet friendly debate over something menial….. but no Alex. She fakes a smile as she heads to the bar and the

guys raise their glasses in unison yelling "Happy Birthday!" She thanks and hugs them all as Elliott winks and hands her a shot glass with a light brown liquid inside. "Drink up partner….it's been a loooooong

week". She accepts the gift of Tequila and brings it to her lips tasting its harshness, tilts her head back slamming its contents and rests the empty glass on the bar. She hears from behind her at the same time

feeling someone's hand on her right hip: "Wow….impressive detective…." She knows the voice well, and can feel her face flush and her heart beat faster, as if it's going to come through her sweater. "Alex!

Hey…..I…didn't think you were going to make it". Alex looks concerned as she glances at her watch "Are you kidding? I wouldn't have missed this for the world"…..Olivia feels a giddy smile come over her and leans

into Alex throwing her arm around her shoulder. "Thanks…." Alex downs a beer and orders another without hesitation. Elliott sneaks a second shot of Tequila in front of Olivia and he slams his 4th and final

Budweiser. Olivia looks at the shot glass knowing she shouldn't, but takes it anyway. She can feel this one as her head gets a little lighter and she eases into a more relaxed state. She gazes at Alex while the

ADA shares trivial conversation with Cragen. Alex breaks her stare long enough with the Captain to catch the detective looking at her. Olivia knowing she's been busted, quickly turns her head towards Elliott and

laughs at a bad joke he was telling. Alex feeling no pain, yet full of confidence, says in the detective's ear: "Are you hungry? Lets get out of here….I'd like to take you to dinner". Olivia is more than pleased with

this notion and without hesitation accepts the offer. Olivia says her good bye's and thank you's to her partner's and turns to Elliott: "Alex is going to walk me home El…." With an evil grin Elliott replies: "Ok….you

two have fun". Olivia smacks Elliott in the back of the head as she walks out behind Alex. Olivia thinks to herself _What is this? What's going on? She wants to take me to dinner….she __wants me all __to herself. I need to_

_ do this tonight….if I don't I'll never know._

_**Chapter Four**_

A cold breeze breaks the still night air and Olivia feels Alex move closer to her. She takes her arm and hooks it through Alex's and laughs as she says: "It's freeeeeeeezing out here!" Alex is nervous yet ecstatic at

the same time. Finally Olivia says: "So where are you taking me Counselor?" Alex stops and looks at her with a crooked grin: "To my apartment…..I made us dinner". Suddenly Olivia can't breathe as she is

overcome with emotion. _Pull it together Benson…_"Wow….I….uh wow Alex…that is really nice of you". Alex smitten with the response can tell she's made the detective uncomfortable in a good way. As they arrive

shivering to the massive building where Alex's penthouse sits a top the monstrosity, the ADA nods to the doorman and he nods back with a smile: "Evening Miss Cabot". "Good Evening Carl….this is Detective

Benson, she'll be a guest for the night". "Very well Miss Cabot….Detective…" _For the night……_Olivia plays the last 3 words over and over in her head as they enter the elevator without saying a word; both women

enjoying the slightly uncomfortable silence. Alex can feel the burn of Olivia's stare just as the elevator doors whoosh open. "It's nice and warm in here"…..Olivia can feel herself slowly unraveling in the company of

Alex. She hasn't felt this close to anyone ever, and knows she is to blame because she has never allowed herself to feel for anyone other than her "victims". For once in her lonely life, Olivia feels whole….. yet so

vulnerable. She struggles to fight the wall of defense that is slowly creeping its way up through her soul. "Wine?" Alex asks….."Sure"….."Red or White?"….."Whatever you are having is fine….it smells fantastic in

here Alex, what's for dinner?"……Alex hands Olivia a glass of 2007 Wild Horse Cabernet and says: "Nothing crazy….Shrimp Scampi over Angle hair pasta and a Caesar salad". Olivia is more than touched by the

generosity of the one they call "Ice Princess". She realizes at this very moment the beautiful woman she sees before her, has laid her cards on the table. Just as Liv has kept her emotions bottled inside of her for

years, Alex Cabot has done the very same, and in that respect, both women are exactly alike, and they know it.

"So tell me Liv….what have you been doing in your spare time when you aren't working cases or helping Eliott with his paper work?"…….sarcastically Olivia responds…." Free time? What's that? You mean there is

life outside of this place?"…..with a girlish giggle she says: "Not a heck of a lot….I've been running…I like to exercise when I can". _No kidding….._Alex can't help but notice the slight and toned bulge of Olivia's biceps

under her clingy sweater and her rock hard ass as she stands to place her wine glass on the counter….."You?......" Alex catches herself staring hard at the profoundly stunning woman detective and struggles to

return her eyes to Liv's "I…well, I um have been exercising too funny enough…..I'm a runner as well as you know and thinking about doing the Marathon in March…" Extremely impressed Olivia replies: "My my my

Alex....you'd give me a chase I bet if given the opportunity"......._Oh more than you know Olivia_....Alex slyly thinks to herself as the buzzer on the stove rings out in a way to call a _time out._ "Dinner's ready……after

you detective"….. she subtly places a hand in the small of Olivia's back guiding her to the kitchen and hands her a plate with an even balance of food. Olivia quivers at the touch and loves the comforting yet

profound confidence Alex displays when they are together. The two walk back into the living room, sink into the plush leather couch, and eat the delicious meal Alex actually slaved all day to perfect for "her

detective".

Olivia can't remember the last time she enjoyed a home cooked meal; and to think of it, neither can Alex….this felt nice, it felt normal, it felt like it should….well deserved. "More wine?"…..Alex pointed to Olivia's

empty glass. "If I didn't know better Counselor, I'd say you were trying to get me drunk"….. she handed Alex the glass and watched as she walked into the kitchen. Liv could feel the heat flush to her cheeks, half

hoping Alex wouldn't notice, but she did…and she liked it, so she decided to take the bait and play back. "If I didn't know better detective, I'd say you're right"……_Oh God, did I just say that? _Alex returned handing

Olivia a full glass of Cabernet with a slightly crooked grin. The two chatted on for hours about cases, Munch, Fin, Elliott……_Oh my God….what is Elliott going to say…._at this particular moment in time, she could've

cared less as she stared at the woman before her. Liv knew she was in trouble, she was hopelessly falling for the almighty Alex Cabot.

Feeling the warm buzz of alcohol rush through her veins, Olivia without warning leaned into the face of the ADA, slowly cupping her hands around Alex's soft pink cheeks and pulled her closer ever so gently until

their lips met. Now feeling her heart beat literally out of her chest, Alex returned the kiss with angst; the last three years spilling over with cumbersome joy. Olivia pulled away slightly, opened her eyes and looked

into the sea of steel blue before her. Both women allowed a sigh of relief to escape and Alex whispered: "Do you know how long I've waited for this?"…..Overcome, Olivia stares at Alex in amazement...."Really? I

was so afraid Alex that you'd hate me...and I'd ruin our friendship.....God I don't know what I'd do....how did you know?"

Without speaking a word, Alex grabs Olivia and pulls her closer, kissing her hard....then breaks the kiss purring to Olivia: "That's how.....because I've felt the same way you have. I know I fell for you the minute

I walked through SVU's doors 3 years ago."

_**Chapter Five**_

Olivia's heart melts at this revelation as tears well up in her chocolate brown eyes. "Oh my God Alex…I never....." Olivia's thought process is completely frozen. For once in her life she doesn't know what to do.

Part of her wants to get up and run out the door never looking back. The other part wants to remain in Alex's arms forever, never looking back. "What? What is it Liv?" Sheer concern comes over the ADA's face

and Liv releases a nervous chuckle…."Nothing….I mean, this must be what it feels like to be……" Olivia hesitates to say the next few words as she has never said them before….to anyone….. and the last person

she would ever want to lose is Alex. "I know Liv…..this is what it feels like to be...... _in love_"….. She said it, and they way she said it was so sincere it made Olivia collapse into Alex's arms. Feeling Olivia let go

makes Alex want her in the worst way. She moves into the detective wrapping her arms tightly around the slim waist before her and pulls Olivia under her. No words are needed as the two discover each other in

this blissful realm of excitement and uncertainty, which although new, is still grossly overdue. "Stay with me……" Alex softly whispers into Olivia's ear as she kisses behind the supple lobe, moving down the sleek

silhouette of her neck. "I'm not going any where….." Olivia plays back and the two women move as one into Alex's oversized loft style bedroom. "Happy Birthday baby....." What a birthday it was. It's a night

either one of them will ever forget as their love is consummated over and over again until the wee hours…..


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter Six**_

Olivia is the first to wake up thanks to the unforgiving sun screaming through the half closed blinds of Alex's one and only huge bedroom window. A groggy morning voice whispers to Olivia "Hey....good

morning...." and the follow up is a sweet and tender kiss from Alex_. This feels so good....so right.....but it can't be_. Olivia although so very happy, is plagued by a daunting fear that Alex will hurt her. She has never

_ever_ allowed anyone to come this close to her heart strings.....male or female. If she can't trust herself with her emotions, how on earth will she trust someone else with them? For christ sake she has been alone

for so long she's forgotten how to feel in a sense. Although a tough street cop, Olivia is fragile....so very fragile, and she is not sure now if she is ready for this. Was it just the lust that got the better of the both

of them? She needs to talk to Alex and let her know of her reservations. Not wanting to kill the moment, but realizing for her own sanity, she must get this off of her chest before she moves any further. She

gently releases herself from Alex's arms and sits up in bed crossing her legs staring at the beautiful blond ADA under the covers. She reminds Olivia of an angel...the pink blush of her cheeks, long golden strands

of hair spilling around her pillow like a halo....deep azure for eyes...._'God I love this woman'......_"Alex......Alex, honey....wake up....I need to talk to you". Alex is smart, she has been around Olivia enough to realize

it when she hears it; the slight panic in her voice that she is trying desperately to conceal. "Of course Liv....." wiping the sleep from her eyes, she sits up in bed, crosses her legs and faces Olivia. "What is it.....you

can tell me anything". She grabs Olivia's hand and caresses it tenderly in her own. This sets Olivia more at ease and locks eyes with Alex who seems to be looking straight into her soul. "I.....I love that I am here

with you at this very moment....I loved last night, more than you know.....I.....I'm scared Alex". She put it out there, plain and simple wasting no time. "Scared of what Liv?" Alex's voice starts to quiver as she

struggles to hold back the tears that start to well up in her suddenly sullen eyes_. Dammit! Don't cry, please don't cry...ugh I didn't want it like this....I don't want to hurt her_.....That's it....that's exactly it. How selfish

to think maybe Alex was scared too of Olivia hurting her. "Oh God Alex...I'm sorry....please....hear me out....." Alex lets go of Olivia's hand and gets up off the bed. She goes into the bathroom slamming the door

behind her. Olivia can hear her sobbing over the faucet that she turned on in hopes of drowning the sounds of her sorrow. "Alex....Alex....please open the door and let me in....please let me explain......" "Go away

Olivia. I can't do this.....I won't be hurt by you.....it took everything I had....every bit of courage...every last nerve to let myself go with you.....to finally allow myself to be what I thought was _myself _with you." Olivia

rests her head against the door and literally feels her heart aching listening to poor Alex spill her guts. "Alex....I'm....I'm so sorry....please come out or let me in so I can explain". Suddenly the door rushes open

and Alex's hurt shifts quickly to anger. _Damn....this is the Alex Olivia doesn't like.... the 'Ice Princess' I'm about to slay you like a dragon Alex, coming out of the woodwork. _Furious and embarrassed, Alex pushes past Olivia and throws herself face down on her bed. "Alex.....there is something you need to know....something I should have told you months...no...probably years ago. If you listen to me....just please listen to me, for one second, then maybe you will understand why I'm freaking out a little here....." Olivia knows she's not the one over reacting at the moment, but she lets Alex take control and allows her to vent first. Alex screams at Olivia through streaming tears "DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE GROWING UP KNOWING THAT YOU WERE DIFFERENT! KNOWING YOU FANCIED GIRLS OVER BOYS? AND NOT HAVING A SUPPORT SYSTEM....PARENTS THAT IGNORED _WHO I WAS_ WHEN I TOLD THEM....HEARING OVER AND OVER AGAIN THAT IT'S _JUST A PHASE, _THAT I SHOULD MARRY A DOCTOR, A LAWYER, A POLITICIAN LIKE MY FATHER....AND THAT IT _HAD TO BE _A HARVARD GRADUATE LIKE THE REST OF US. WELL...... FUCK THAT!" Olivia has never heard such vulgarity from Alex before and knew she must really be at her wits end to be using it. "SO INSTEAD, I BECAME ANDROGENOUS IN A WAY AND FELL IN LOVE WITH THE ONLY THING THAT WOULDN'T DISAPPOINT ME.... MY CAREER_......NOTHING ELSE_.....UNTIL......I MET YOU! GOD DAMMIT OLIVIA!" Olivia struggles to keep back her own tears listening to the sheer anguish coming from Alex. "Alex...I know all about growing up different." This catches Alex's attention as she pushes herself away from her pillow and glares at Olivia. "You see.....gosh this is hard....the only other person that knows about what I'm going to tell you is Elliott....Alex...what exactly do you know about me...about my past?" Alex grabs a tissue wiping her nose and eyes "What do you mean Liv? I'm confused...." Olivia feeling a fire start in the pit of her gut gets a bit more stern, "Alex what have you heard about me....don't you think I know people talk?" Alex over the years has heard grumbles here and there that Olivia was possibly the product of a rape, but never ever brought the subject up with her friend in fear that it was just a terrible rumor. "Um...I really don't..." She's cut off by Olivia whose fuse is growing shorter by the second "JESUS Alex! What did you hear?" "OK....about a year ago I heard Munch and Fin talking about you....that your mother was raped and as a result became pregnant....." _Goddamn you two...._ Olivia cuts her off again "What else Alex?" "That's it Liv, I swear to God...I....I walked away because I felt it wasn't any of my business to be listening any further and hoped maybe one day you'd......wow....I'm an asshole....." The two women sit on the bed exhausted staring at each other, recounting just what the hell happened before either one of them speaks again. Olivia knowing she needs to make this right reaches for Alex's hand and grabs it "Alex....I'm sorry....so so sorry....I never will doubt you...or us....ever again....I promise.....you see, when I was just 5 years old, my mother in a drunken rage told me how I came into this world. She was a college student at NYU in the late 60's. She lived and worked on campus in the law library. Well this one night, late... she was walking back to her apartment and she was grabbed from behind, beat up and raped. As a result, she became pregnant. Scared and not knowing what to do, she had me......I've shied away from forming relationships my entire life Alex.... partly because I felt I never deserved anyone and partly because I've been afraid of being..... abandoned....I shut myself off from the world....that is counselor until I _met you_....I think we're a lot more alike then we think....." Alex throws herself at the Detective wrapping her arms around her, letting it all go....."I'm sorry Liv....I had no idea....that was really selfish of me". In a way it was, but Olivia is in no mood for a pissing contest. She just wants things on the mend and to be able to pick up where they left off, making passionate love, spending quality time doing whatever, getting to know each other in this context....as a couple...no longer as friends. "Sweetie it's ok.....it's ok....I'm sorry too....sorry you've been forced to live in the closet your whole life practically with no one to turn to." Alex with swollen eyes pleads to Olivia "Can we put this behind us? I need you to know that I am 200% committed to you....to us....you can trust me Liv....I'd never hurt you, I want this relationship more than anything I've ever wanted before." Olivia can barely contain herself "Yes Alex it's behind us and I feel the same way....I want this too in the worst way, and I promise you my undivided loyalty, honesty and devotion from this day forward". Letting her comedic side poke through and break the ice a little, Alex sheepishly looks at Liv... "Well, we've done a lot in the last 24 hours....we've slept together, we've had our first and hopefully last fight....now all that's left to do is buy a house, get a dog and paint the picket fence white....can we fit all that in before Monday morning ya think?" There's the quirky Alex Cabot Olivia loves so much. "You cheese ball..." Laughing hysterically, Olivia playfully whacks Alex in the side of the head with an overstuffed goose down pillow. "Oh you're gonna get it detective...." Olivia springs out of bed and runs into the living room with Alex only an arms length away. Just as Alex grabs the back of Olivia's academy T-shirt slamming her onto the couch, the faint ring of a cell phone is heard some where. "Shit...my phone....where did I leave it Al?" "Ohhh it's her Liv...under our clothes....." They both giggle like two kids at a sleepover and Alex throws the still ringing phone to Olivia who like a champ catches it with one hand.....with a smile on her face she answers "Benson......" Her playful expression quickly fades and the serious look tells Alex it isn't good.... whatever it is. "I'll be there in 15 minutes....Thanks Cap." "What's going on Liv?" "Another rape victim, same M.O. as the Grayson girl....except this one's dead. I gotta go meet Elliott in 15 minutes in the squad room." "I'll give you a ride Liv...." "Thanks Alex, I appreciate it". Alex winks at Olivia and the two get dressed. Olivia puts back on what she was wearing the night before for her birthday celebration at O'Malley's, and knows she's going to have to explain herself to Elliott.... but she'll deal with that later....much later if she can help it. It's 5 minutes to 9 and Olivia is pouring herself into the front seat of Alex's black Mercedes. "Nice ride Counselor". "It gets me from A to B". Olivia loves her modesty and teases back "I bet....don't make me pull you over and give you a speeding ticket". "Oh my Detective......how would I ever get out of that?" Olivia laughs throwing her head back slightly and this act of candidacy drives Alex crazy. Unable to help herself, she grabs Olivia by the collar of her leather jacket and pulls her in for a kiss. "Am I going to see you later?" Alex asks this in a low sultry voice that creates such a burn in Olivia's groin, that it literally makes her squirm in her seat. "If I have my way Alex, there will be later and then some.....I'll call you when I know what we've got going on. Who knows, we might need a warrant". Alex speeds away and gets Liv to the 1-6 just as Elliott, Fin and Munch are arriving. "Oh my Liv.....what are we going to tell these guys?" "Let's worry about that later ok? All in due time Alex....but I want Elliott to be the first. We'll talk about it later." "Ok Detective.....I Love You....be careful out there". "I love you too Alex.....oh, and thanks for the birthday flowers." Alex grins and puts her head down....."Your welcome....Hibiscus....they're you're favorite....see you later". With those words exchanged, they were both secure and adult enough to know that they wanted this to work. Alex watched as Olivia did her thing, joining the other detectives, and knew in her heart that Olivia was officially "hers".

**TBC….**


End file.
